Archive for the ‘Poop’ Category

There are some things in this world that you will see that will haunt you in your sleep; like dead bodies, the devil, and Betty White.  However, nothing…nothing…will haunt you quite like these mock-ups of Beavis and Butthead.

One of Hollywood’s go-to prosthetic make-up artists, Kevin Kirkpatrick (Wolfman, The Avengers, Abraham Lincoln Vampire Killer), has created two extremely real life-size look alikes of Beavis and Butthead.  As if those two assholes weren’t scary enough as it is…Kirkpatrick has gone and created these:

Poop yourself yet?

Via Uproxx

If you haven’t heard yet, an Italian cruise ship, the Costa Concordia, was capsized off of the coast of the tiny island of Giglio a few days ago.  So far the death toll is up to 11 people while 21 are still missing.  What makes this matter even worse is that the ship’s captain, Francesco Schettino, pretty much is responsible for it all.

Schettino made an unadvised diversion from the ship’s predetermined course into rough seas, reportedly, because he wanted to take the ship’s head chef by the island because he grew up there.  Say what?  You mean this douche bag deviated from the planned course/route all because he wanted to let some chef take some pictures of an island.  Where do I line up to slap this dumbass?

Schettino stated himself, after the incident, that he made a “tourist navigation”.  Let’s backtrack through, while the ship was capsizing this asshole decided to abandon the ship himself.  You know that old mantra “the captain goes down with the ship”, yep…not this guy.  It got so bad that the Italian Coast Guard, who was quick to the scene of the crime (because, frankly, it was a crime…Schettino was arrested once he reached dry land), ordered Schettino to go back to the capsized ship and oversee the evacuation of the ship’s stranded passengers.  The captain stated to the Coast Guard that he ended up off the ship and in a life raft headed toward shore while thousands of people were drowning or near drowning, all due to him falling off the ship and into the water.  The Coast Guard literally had to threaten Schettino to get him to go back to his ship.  Once again, I will pay someone to waterboard this guy.  Seriously.

Among the missing is a 5-year old little girl Dayana Arlotti who was on vacation with her father and her father’s girlfriend.  Her father is also missing.  For Arlotti’s mother, it’s a devastating time as she frantically waits for any word regarding her daughter’s whereabouts.

“I last heard from her on Thursday,” when she waved goodbye at school, Albertini, 28, told the La Voce di Romagna newspaper.

“The absurd thing is that no one can tell me anything, and what little I know is from the newspapers,” she said. “Sometimes they ask absurd questions, like if my daughter knows how to swim. Do they understand she is 5 years old? What kind of question is that?”

Another amongst the missing and now recovered deceased is one of the ship’s entertainers, Sandor Feher.  Feher, a Hungarian citizen, was identified by his mother after his body was recovered.  According to witness accounts, Feher was spotted aboard the ship while it was capsizing putting life jackets onto small children before heading back inside the ship.  Feher is being touted as a hero, and quite frankly he is.  This man died because some asshole captain decided to do a favor for the guy that cooks his meals.  A small girl will likely never see her sixth birthday because this shithead decided it was going to be cool to show everyone “hey, look at me, I’m Captain Ron!” and the careens his ship into a barrier reef.  Never mind waterboarding, I’ll line up to kill this guy myself.

Schettino was arrested upon arriving on shore and placed in jail.  An Italian judge was tasked with deciding whether or not to keep Schettino in jail or release him pending a trial.  Federal prosecutors plan to petition the ruling, the judge stated the reasoning behind placing Schettino on house arrest was because he was not a flight risk.  Somebody should kidnap Schettino, push him out of a plane, and see how much of a flight risk he can be.

Schettino faces 12 years in an Italian prison for the charges presented against him.

Thanks Fox News

 

 

 

Let me say this, that Italian Coast Guard captain that is telling Schettino to get back on the capsized ship should be given a damn medal.  Dude took charge of the situation and put that coward in his place.  Here he is, Gregorio De Falco, and he’s a damned hero.

“Perhaps you saved yourself from the sea, but I’ll make you pay for this, dammit!” – De Falco yelling to Schettino after Schettino had abandoned his capsized cruise ship and left passengers behind.  Someone engrave this on a plaque and put it on a damned monument.  Holy crap I’m hyped up for the movie!

 

 

Playboy Playmates Get Their Tim Tebow On

Posted: January 18, 2012 in Poop

Everything Tim Tebow does might not be all over blown, especially when it involves Playboy Playmates ‘Tebowing’.  Who doesn’t like to see hot chicks mimicking everyone’s favorite Christian?  I wonder if Timmy himself would endorse chicks who get naked for money copying his signature move?  Wait, he’s got bigger things to worry about (like how not to lose to Tom Brady and the Patriots by 35 points) anyways.

These photos are not NSFW but if your boss or teacher or whoever is in the mold of Double T, you might want to wait to take a gander at these pictures.

Photos via Buzzfeed

Miss January 2010 Jaime Edmondson

 

Playmate of the Year 2011 Claire Sinclair

 

Playmate Irina Voronina

 

Playmate Kassie Lyn Logsdon

 

Playmate Iryna Ivanova

 

Playmate Amanda Cerny

 

Get more through the link at the top!

Have you ever been listening to the radio and the most annoying song ever comes on and you’re all like “arghhhh! How many times do I have to hear this Lady Antebellum song?”  How many times have you been watching TV and that stupid actor that loves to grind your nerves makes an appearance?  What about that atrociously horrible politician you can’t seem to rid yourself of?  I’ve compiled  a list of those select people opting to send them to the moon while then using my invisible megaton laser to blow the lunar ball to hell.

Let’s get to it…

Pink

Seriously, is there one person on Earth that like’s this beotch’s music?  Really, if you like Pink’s music you should probably vacate your living space and die.  Have you ever listened to her music before…like actually listened to it?  It’s a bunch of non-sense.  She went to being this edgy-pop wannabe to being this social outcast speaking for a bullied generation.  How does one do that?  I mean the artist formerly known as Alecia Beth Moore got her start in a R&B girl group.  Imagine TLC but with white chicks with nose rings.  Not a pretty picture.  You could argue that her best song was “Lady Marmalade” in which she collaborated with Mya and Christina Aguilera on.  There you’ve got two beautiful women and then you have P!nk.  Also, who spells their stage name like that?  Non-talent ass hats, that’s who.  She’s going to the moon, oh yes, she’ll be flying the rocket ship.

Here’s that most annoying song I was telling you about:

Mit Romney

A Mormon president?  There could be worse things in life, I guess.  Like, getting your head blown off with a shot gun; having your body pulled apart by a woolly mammoth; being impaled on the Empire State building after jumping out of a plane while on fire; being locked in a room with nothing but P!nk songs blasting.  I digress though.  Mit Romney is a successful business man and he’s also a successful politician but do we really need to be trolled by Romney and every media publication reminding us that he’s a “Mormon missionary”?  Who cares if you went to France to wed one guy to 18 different women…all at the same time.  I don’t, all I care about is my retirement fund, my family’s healthcare, and the Jacksonville Jaguars.  You don’t want me to rank those, you wouldn’t like numbers one and three.  Seriously though I’m so tired of hearing how Romney is a “virtual lock” to beat Barack Obama in November.  Don’t you know who B.O. is?  Don’t you know what he’s done?  Yea, me neither.  I’m voting for Newt!

This video might seriously secure my vote for Mitt….

Kim Kardashian

Is there a more stupid face in all of Hollywood?  Seriously, what the hell has Kim Kardashian ever done?  Let’s recap her life real quick; became one of Hollywood’s “it” girls after her father, Robert Kardashian, successfully got O.J. Simpson acquitted of murder.  She then dated Ray J, in what became the biggest highlight of her “career”, a sex tape was unleashed upon the internet featuring the two.  The video rights were sold to a giant porn production company and Kim quickly sued saying (and I quote), “What?  Me?  Sex tape?  Ewww!  I’m a virgin!”  Serious, truer words were never written.  Her stupidity some how landed her entire family an E! television series Keeping Up With The Kardashians.  In a true sign of the apocalypse, the TV series aired for six…SIX, 6, VI…seasons.  Incredible.  In less shocking news, Kardashian married NBA superstar scrub Kris Humphries in the summer of 2011.  Their marriage lasted for 72 minutes days, and then the two were kaputz.  Such is life of a dumbass.  Oh well.  Off to the moon she goes.  I bet you Kim and Mitt would have the most profound discussions on religion, politics, and life.  Here’s a sample of what I envision their introductory convo would be like:

Mitt: Hello there, my name is Mitt Romney, I was the Governor of Massachusetts.  You must be Khloe.

Kim: Umm, hello, my name is Kim and I’m not fat like my sister.  Haven’t you ever seen my television show?!?

Mitt: Oh, my apologies.  Here let me read you a passage out of the Book of Mormon.  You’ll love the part about having to share your husband with eight other women!

Kim: Excuse me, excuse me, driver?  How many sex tapes do I have to release before someone serves me a martini around here?

Mitt: (incoherent reading in background)

P!nk: Bitch, who you talking to?  I’m P!nk, spelled with an exclamation mark, I’ve had hits with stupid names such as “Don’t Let Me Get Me” and “So What”, surely you’ve heard them before.

Mitt: Has anyone ever been to Salt Lake City?  That place is the shit!

Kim: Do either of you have any cocaine I can use?  I’ll make sure when we get back to Earth my dealer hooks you up two fold!

Mitt: Repent Kim, for you shall only know the truth of the reptile aliens from the Moon!

P!nk: This party sucks.

Tim Tebow

Let me preface this selection by saying that I’m a Tim Tebow fan, I’m not a fan of the Denver Broncos nor am I a fan of all the ridiculous media attention the guy or his religion bring.  So if you’re going to read this and then tell me how great Mr. Tebow is, my mom had a dog named after the guy.  It was a Shih Tzu.  Exactly. 

Tim Tebow has always been a good football player never a great quarterback.  From his final high school football game at Nease High School in Ponte Vedra Beach, where I watched him beat Pace High School (poor poor DMarsh), to his four year stint at the University of Florida where he’ll go down as perhaps the greatest college football player in NCAA history.  The guy was the ultimate football player on and off the field.  Everything changed however when discussions turned to my Jacksonville Jaguars and how they should draft the “hometown hero” with their 10th overall selection in the NFL draft that year.  That turned into the day I learned to despise Tebow-mania.  From that day to this one I have had to listen to people, who claim to be Jaguars fans, cheer for the Denver Broncos and Tim Tebow.  There is never anything wrong with wishing a player on a different team than the one you claim as you own to do well.  There is a problem I have with people supporting a team 15oo miles away from the city you live in when there is already an NFL team in your own backyard.  Literally.  Whatever though.  Rant over.  Tebow and Romney can lead the prayer group for the 36 hour flight to the moon.  P!nk’s not invited though.

Real talk in this video:

Selena Gomez & Justin Bieber

Wait!  I didn’t know Selena Gomez was a lesbian?  What’s that you say?  That’s Justin Bieber in that photo above?  No wai! For a minute I thought Selena Gomez was taking a picture with Hilary Swank on the red carpet for the Boys Don’t Cry premiere, then I remembered that Gomez would have been seven years old when that movie came out.  Let’s face it, Justin Bieber is a tool.  YouTube his videos to see how big of a tool he registers on your tool-meter.  Google “Justin Bieber’s struggle face” and see the results you get.  The guy boy it just won’t go away.  Usually teen pop-stars have this time in their adolescent years where they’re extremely popular but then they hit the crack pipe or heroin needle and that’s all she wrote.  Nope.  Not the Biebs.  He complicates things further by so-called “dating” Selena Gomez, but I don’t buy it.  There’s no way a tool like LaBiebs gets a girl like Gomez.  Even though Gomez has quietly been turning anorexic here lately (see photo below).  My suspicion is that the Biebmez is a farce and Bieber really is an alien from Planet Zurg.

Anyways, Biebs and Gomez are packaged together because no one want’s Justin Bieber’s sloppy seconds.  No one.  Gomez must die to save the planet.  What if they did the “deed” and Gomez is pregnant with the spawn of Bieber?  There can only be NONE!  To the moon they go.